Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
