I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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