well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
