Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
