My first STD was from a foam party
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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