I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
