that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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