ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
