just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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