East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
