You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
