Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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