My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
