I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
