would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
