i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You made out with two different species that night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
