Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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