Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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