she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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