A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
