hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
two words: eviction party
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he fucked my hip out of place.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
