Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
