Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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