Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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