I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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