woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
