Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
