The maid of honor just puked.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
