i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
