someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
