u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
