she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
