What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
