the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
