you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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