Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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