sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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