Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
