so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
