my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize