Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
