ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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