just come out here and I will go home with you...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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