Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
