apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
