On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
