Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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