i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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