dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
