we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize