So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
