tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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