In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
