I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
