I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
