My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sext me about skeletons
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
