He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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