hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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