I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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