I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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