dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
