i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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