i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
