you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
