i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
