it wasn't lemon gatorade
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
