So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
