When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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