we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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