Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
