I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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