Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
