Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
