Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
