I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
