so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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