There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
did i just pee glitter
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we're so committed to being not committed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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