I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
