To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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