You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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